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Help, making art is sort of ruining my life. (Sex addiction)

2021.11.27 01:47 helpimderp Help, making art is sort of ruining my life. (Sex addiction)

I have a weird, debilitating problem. First I should mention that I'm an artist, and there are few things I have any interest in whatsoever besides art. Having drawn for over 20 years of my life (I'm 31 year old woman), it's hard to imagine myself doing or having any real level of proficiency in a different field. I essentially pigeon-holed myself mentally and physically - but I know people can change, so I don't doubt myself completely. I'm willing to try something new, just as long as it doesn't launch me into crippling depression.
Secondly, I'm a serious Christian. So along with those set-in-stone values and expectations, I'm measuring up the quality/subject matter of my art against a rapidly growing sense of morality.
So herein lies the problem. For as long as I can remember, I've drawn nothing but REALLY attractive, drop-dead-gorgeous men. I'm closet thirsty. It's to the point that if I even draw one of my OC's (at first, just innocently sketching, because after all, I'm an artist and I can't just NOT draw), my pent-up sexual frustration drives me straight into the dark corners of the internet. Cringe-level hot anime guys on Pinterest, Pornhub, the whole deal. So now, drawing anything even remotely attractive triggers me into sexual sin. I'm disgusted with myself for having come to this point, and devastated that my art isn't doing me any good. At all. I can't even progress. I really want to make webcomics and write cool stories but as soon as pencil hits paper, all the wrong things happen. I want to make things that are good and inspiring. Why am I like this? And what the hell am I gonna do if I really have to quit drawing?
Are there any other artsy outlets for my talent that won't take me straight to hell?? Or suggestions that can help me change the behavior?
Please help me. I'm desperate.
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