I don't know what to say to my doctor

2021.11.27 01:44 taswanderer I don't know what to say to my doctor

I have a doctor's appointment coming up this week and I want to bring this up with him at the appointment. I have anorexia, but I haven't told anyone yet, and I don't think anyone really knows because I'm still in what I'd say is a fairly early stage in the disorder. I know I need to start thinking about getting some help instead of just trying to handle it on my own, but my options aren't good. I thought maybe my doctor would be a place to start, but I'm hesitant and maybe a bit cynical or pessimistic about it all. I don't know how it's going to go.
I couldn't get an appointment last week so I saw another doctor, just so I could get some blood tests ordered because I know anorexia can have a negative impact on your organ function. I explained to the doctor I saw why I wanted the tests (basically just full blood count, liver, kidney, thyroid, electrolytes, B12), but also that I didn't want to talk that day about next steps, like therapy, and that I just wanted the tests so the results would be back in time when I see my regular doctor the following week, I if there were any problems I'd discuss them with him, and she was ok with that.
Honestly, I'm worried my doctor's not going to take me seriously. If you believe the BMI scale, then I'm not technically underweight yet, I'm still in the "normal" weight range, albeit right at the bottom of it. And I'm worried my doctor won't place a lot of importance on treating me because I'm not thin enough yet. But the reality is, I'm not that worried about my weight being low, I'm worried about my behaviours, the distress I'm avoiding by restricting and calorie counting, the excessive exercising I feel compelled to do and the anxiety I get when I feel I haven't exercised enough. I'm worried that doctors just look at numbers and don't have the time or enthusiasm to actually look at the person.
I also don't know what my doctor could actually do. I feel like they're just going to want to do three things - write me a script for anti-depressants, a referral to a nutritionist and a referral to a psychology. I don't want to take anti-depressants - I think they're awesome drugs and would recommend anyone considering them to talk to their doctor about them, but I just don't think they're for me because I honestly feel I don't have depression. I already know how to formulate a healthy diet, I just don't because it causes me too much distress to eat "normally", so I can't see what benefit I'll get out of a nutritionist or dietitian. And there's no way in hell I'm every talking to a psychology again - I've had really bad experiences with them and simply refuse to go to one ever again. I won't put myself through that again.
So I don't know how to get the message across that I'm really starting to struggle with this. I don't know how to get someone to take me seriously. And I don't even know what help they may be able to offer anyway, it anything. I need to have a think about what I'm going to say to this doctor when I see him later in the week, so I say all the things I want to, and find a way to communicate that I'm serious.
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